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Let’s say you own a multi-million, multi-billion dollar a year company who supplies it’s customers with value, quality and excellent service. You believe in good solid products and have a history of returning customers time and time again. You treat your employees with respect, pay a good solid salary with benefits and maybe even a free pizza lunch on the first Friday of every month! Your company is win-win! Your company is profitable and making a difference in this world!

So why are you buying this crap to give away at holiday events?!

I live in America.  In America we have lots of paper that is always flying around.  Also if a burglar walks into my cubicle I can throw this glass America paperweight at him and he will die so with this gift I feel safe.  And very proud of my brand.  My brand is ComAir.

How exactly DOES this fortune cookie actually work?  How are you expecting your employees to react?  Jubilantly?  Super excited?  Do they instantly email their spouses to say, “Oh my god, you’ll never believe what I received today from upper management.  You’ll be so…gleeful…when you see it.”

And I’m sorry, what exactly….what IS this?  Looks a little….”mature” to me.

This thing, this Night-and-Day Crystal Beveled Clock is……$67!!!!!!!!!

And if you’re just feeling a little silly, goofy, down right CRAZY, you could buy a buttload of these!  They’re super fun and honestly, it’s the BEST way to make big decisions in the office.

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