They’re sexy, secretive (actually, full on liars), alcoholics, selfish, great dressers and plain old Classy folks.

Mad Men.

And it’s recently come to my attention how much their style really resonates with me.  Here are some of the ways that they have enlightened my life and influenced the way I think about raising kids.

On Pregnancy:

1. Drinking helps ease the anxiety of life that goes on while pregnant.

2. So does smoking.

3. Melba toast is a good way to fill you up without filling you out.

4. You can still have an affair when you are pregnant (or at least begin to think about one).

5. Your husband can still have an affair when you are pregnant.

6. When you eventually go into labor, husbands get to drink and wait and mothers-to-be get to be drugged up!  It’s a win-win!

7. Breastfeeding is for OTHER people.

On Parenting:

1. TV is a great way to occupy the children.

2. Occassionally, if you put in around 5 minutes of effort in meaningful talks, that will make a huge impact on your child’s upbringing.  The housekeeper can handle everything else.

3. Children are not bothered by cigarette smoke.  Especially at the morning breakfast table.

4. Children do not need seatbelts.

5. After having a baby, it is nice to go to Paris and leave that baby at home.

6. In general, don’t worry too much about the kids.  They pretty much raise themselves.

On Marriage:

1. Men work, women do not.

2. If women work, then they are not married.

3. When your wife passes out after too much drink, it’s nice to take off her fancy gown for her so she doesn’t wake up with crinoline marks plastered on her face.

4. If an envelope opener doesn’t work on a locked drawer, keep searching for a key.  It’s there somewhere.

5. Stock up on the booze.

6. Stock up on the pills.

7. Don’t ask too many questions.

8. And most importantly, remember….Happiness ain’t everything!

If you have trouble remembering all these important tips, these “Stuck In Mommy Hell Stickers” will come in handy as a quick reminder.

Happy Birthday Caitlin! 

Pickin’s were slim this morning as we all went to our gardens (or our landlords kinda flower area) and picked what was left from the Summer. 

And Serg made the cappuccinos (or espressos).  See him here working very hard.  It is very hard work.  As you can see.  Here.  Serg working hard.

the finished product.

Oh!  And then a dolly chandelier appeared over the conference desk.

I love this dolly chandelier.  Mitch bought it at Pittsfield’s very own Emporium on North Street.

And then, sadly, a bird was laying dead outside on the loading dock this morning….Summer is ending….Fall and Winter are up ahead….death…oy…..  But think of it this way!…..

Um.

Anyone got a nice way to think about a dead bird?

Happy Birthday Caitlin!!!  (sorry about the whole bird thing)

xxooo

This post can only touch, with the teeny tiny tip of a Q-tip, an itty bitty little bunch of Opening Credit sequences which either totally ROCK!!!! or totally…..suck…..But you must admit, they bring you back.  For example, Small Wonder (yep, remember THAT gem?)…..makes me wanna race to the john, lift up the lid there and make loud gagging sounds.

Not that I had a bad childhood.

But a robot?  Named Vicky?  From Delaware?  Who the hell greenlighted that gem?  But I digress.  OPENING CREDITS…sequences….they get you going from the start.  You hear the beginning of your favorite Thursday night show (when they did that kinda thing) and you get the couch ready for an hour (or half an hour) of “me time”.  Or “procrastination” time. 

And they certainly have changed over the years.

(man, look at that outfit they had that Vicky actress wear.  Oy.)

Anyway, enjoy.

I like flip flops.  As a shoe.  In fact, I’ve been wearing them all Summer long!  Why not?  They’re Summery!  Airy!  Easy to put on, easy to take off and my favorite – they are the cheapest footwear you can get.

But.

Flip Flop Earrings?

Flip Flop Necklace?  (This one is Jade.  ooooooooohhhh.).

It boggles my mind.  Why would you want to wear a shoe on your ear?  Around your neck?  All over your sleepwear?

I guess even more depressing is wearing these on Christmas Eve.

Does the image of this Summery Sandal just bring you back to the fun beach times you and your friends had sippin’ frozen cocktails?  Does it just transport you to a better life?  I guess it’s supposed to remind you of….Summer?  I guess?  Bad pedicures and dry dirty heels?  Tripping on stairs and losing your shoe in the hot melted street tar? 

They get really dirty too.

Is this the image you’re trying to conjure up?

Listen, for the most part, they are cheap, crappy, throw away foot vehicles.  Sure, you can spend upwards of $40 on these dorky little accessories, but that’s your problem.  I think to stick one on your earlobe is just one of the strangest things you can do….or decorate your niece’s birthday gift with them…..  Maybe I’m missing something.

Get kitty studs, an orb, tell the world that you’re a Yankees fan, I don’t care.  But what – please – WHAT are you saying by hanging  this “$2.99 at the Old Navy staple” around your neck?  In Jade.

(oooh, but lookie here, Old Navy’s having a sale.  The ugly dark green one ain’t even a buck.)

These music videos are epic, they stay with you, they’re crucial to the Reagan era time capsule, the songs quite literally suck important information OUT of your brain and replace that information with computerized drum beats and, frankly, bizarre lyrics.

Yes.  This is the 80’s.  And we’re listening to the 80’s today on Sirius Radio.  And it has inspired this blog post.

Enjoy.  And good luck.  And please, for godsakes, do NOT show this to your children.  Let the past be the past. 

Blue Q.

NYIGF Summer 2010. 

Booth #1509. 

2 more days.

Ever been to a tradeshow before?  They’re amazing.  It’s wholesale for retail.  You walk into this cavernous space (a convention center, like the Javits Center in New York City) and every place that makes the stuff you love is there – except you can’t buy a damn thing.  It would probably be like an alcoholic walking into a bar that doesn’t sell any alcohol.  No wait, that doesn’t make sense. 

ANYWAY, it’s a big old marketplace for stores to buy stuff for YOU to buy.  And we adore our stores (you can click right here to find out where to buy our stuff in a nice old fashioned store right near where you live). 

There are tradeshows for everything: Natural Foods, Surf Expo (for…surfing?), Candy and Food and then there’s GOURMET Food and then also Closeout Stuff (like what you buy at The Dollar Store), Clothing, etc….

And they’re all full of cool crap.

And they’re full of really crappy crap (the opinions expressed in the Blue Q blog do not, in anyway, correspond with the opinions of Blue Q – even though I work here, at Blue Q).

I mean, really SILLY crappy crap.

And this woman is talking about how wonderful the show is.  “Gee, it’s really wonderful here, with all this crap I would NEVER pay retail for!”

But Blue Q always decorates the coolest looking booth for sure.  Here are just some setting up photos:

Come and visit!  We have snacks!  And great deals!  (if you’re a store).  And new stuff!  Long Live COMMERCE!

Ever have one of those weekends where all you do is talk to people about the economy and how it’s gone to shit?  And Politics?  And how everyone is trying to screw the middleman and how can’t we all just get a leg up and that we’re not supposed to eat so much meat because it’s actually really bad for the environment and speaking of the environment, how all the developing countries are going to be under water or without water and all the endangered animals are dying and you heard about that eagle who got sucked into that Alaskan plane and how they gassed all these geese in New York City so that they wouldn’t go into the plane engines and how there are all these Life Insurance companies trying to make a profit from dead people?

And the oil spill for goodness sakes.

And why do motorcyclists literally take OFF their mufflers?

Oh, and dairy’s supposed to be bad for you.

And I ran over a skunk with my car.   Man, that sucked.

I feel bad that you’re even reading this post.
I could hook you up to so many links here.  So many relevant, important newsworthy reporting that deserves to be read and absorbed and acted upon.

Sometimes we just need a break.
So, go ahead and watch this elephant jumping on a trampoline.  It’ll make you feel so much better. 

And then when you’re done with that, follow this link here to watch David Blaine explaining how he held his breath for 17 Minutes on the TED Talks below.

She coulda been our next….OH MY GOD DON’T SAY IT.

Oh, and yes, these are still available:

Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I get a lot of interesting news feeds. Most are pretty boring and I tolerate them for the occasional gems. And today, my patience was rewarded with this fabulous headline:

Sea Snail Saliva Fights Pain

This story thrills me for a several reasons:

First, just try saying “Sea Snail Saliva” three times fast. Can’t be done.

Second, the story, which ran in Chemical & Engineering News, notes that the pain-relieving chemical that “snails inject into passing prey with hypodermic-needle-like teeth that shoot from their mouths like harpoons” is as effective as morphine and non-addictive.

Yeah, yeah, the potential medical applications for saliva is impressive but Hello? Snails with hypodermic-needle-like teeth? Teeth that shoot out like harpoons?   Gary the Snail doesn’t seem so harmless now, does he?  

Third, who in the hell thought to even try using sea snail saliva for anything other than digesting a snail diet? Is this was toad-licking college students grow up to do with their lives? If so, I totally hung with the wrong crowd. Seven years wasted…

BONUS VIDEO:

I was compelled by the facts of this story to go in search of videos of snails dining.

Youtube (of course) is host to a disturbing number of videos featuring snails eating everything from mangoes and sea stars to algae and unidentifiable matter. And while none of the clips I viewed featured the aforementioned hypodermic-like teeth or harpoon action, this one does show a rather speedy snail engaged in a veritable feeding frenzy and feast. Bon appétit!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvp27i9EehI

Let’s set the record straight.

Some say your parents influence you the most.

Some say your siblings influence you the most.

SOME say that that first crush, that dick in biology, that wonderful bus driver – they all make you who you are today.

I say….

JOHN.

JOHN HUGHES.

And Jake Ryan, John Bender….

(Did you read this great article in Vanity Fair about him after his unexpected passing?  You must check it out.)

Ok, now that I’ve pretty much given away my median age range and sex (although I’m pretty sure you coulda guessed by now that I’m a female) let’s just quit the pleasantries.  I’m a product of the 80’s and HBO.  Combine those two puppies and you can put money on the fact that I tried to dress like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink, fantasized about having a boyfriend like Ferris Bueller - or Keith in Some Kind of Wonderful (oh my goodness, look at THIS pic I found)- or hell, just having a BODY like Amanda Jones I mean, I was full of want and need and angst.

So, in honor of the fact that the Film Society of Lincoln Center is going to do a John Hughes Retrospective in September (and yes, I will be there - TICKETS GO ON SALE TOMORROW, AUGUST 5TH), here I present to you for your lunchtime viewing, some trailers that will take you back.  Take you back to the age of innocence, unquenching desire and part time jobs in record stores.  Sigh.  Remember record stores?  Some of these are kinda pixie, but it should do the trick……Enjoy:

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Theatrical Trailer)
Uploaded by NakedBrotha2007. – Check out other Film & TV videos.