I don’t like disagreements between co-workers.  It makes for uncomfortable coffee times alone in the kitchen when you silently ignore the other person pretending that you’re thinking….really hard….about making……..coffee.  No time to talk to you, co-worker who I KNOW stole my copy of Bust Magazine out of the bathroom** because I saw it in your pocketbook.  I’m busy.  Must leave now.  And then you walk, very quickly and with strong footing out of the kitchen over to your desk.

But.

I’m going to have an open argument here.

Seth, my boss, says that this toaster – this toaster that I said, “Hey!  We should get this for the kitchen!  It’s so cool.” – he says this toaster looks like a car battery (ok, that’s not what he said, but I can’t remember now, and it kind of DOES look like a car battery).

Then he tries to sell me on his idea of HIS perfect toaster.  He’s all like, “I like THIS toaster, at least you can figure out where to put your toast, unlike that thing you like, I mean what is it, a toaster or a deep fryer?”

Oh.  That’s right.  He called my toaster a deep fryer.

Well, I think HIS toaster looks like a barn heater.

So there.

Either way, Seth, can you get us a friggin’ toaster that doesn’t take 43 minutes for a piece of bread to turn brown and crunchy?  It’s like waiting for a Spirit Airlines plane to lift off.  Every morning.

Thanks.

In advance!

**p.s. Is it totally gross to take reading material out of the john at work to show someone an article?  I routinely do it and I should probably stop, but you HAVE to read this in the Onion.  Couldn’t stop laughing.