His name is Robert Matthew Van Winkle.

Yes, this guy.

I remember reading a Rolling Stone interview with him in the….must be the early ’90′s….when the reporter asked him why he never smiles in any of his photos (hey!  he’s right!  Look uppie uppie, no smiley smiley!) – and Vanilla Ice said, “Because some day I will smile, and then it’s gonna knock everybody’s socks off.”

I’m paraphrasing.

But not that much.

Anyway, speaking of Rolling Stone, I’m thumbing through the latest issue last night and I see an ad for his new TV show.

Now, I’m not sure why it’s so hard to find out information on this new show – but the strangest, most obscure links come up when I try to Google it.

“Vanilla Ice TV Show”

“Vanilla Ice DIY Network”

“Vanilla Ice….(um…..)…..anything”

Turns out this gem is called….wait for it……

The Vanilla Ice Project.

Starts Oct. 14th.

He remodels homes.  For a whole half an hour (ok, maybe it’s an hour….)  There is one episode called “Nice Nice Landscaping”.

Oy vey.

Ok, finally I found an interview here that was with VI (Vanilla Ice for short…..) and NYT (that’s right, people, the friggin’ New York Times.  This shiznit is NEWS!!!) – but here’s just a snippet to whet yer appetito – and be sure to read ’cause that last paragraph here is the golden nugget:

Tell me about the house in Palm Beach.

It was a tax-lien property. We auctioned on it. The house, before I even touched it, already appraised at over $800,000, and I got it for $400,000, so I had a lot of room to play with. It was completely gutted — they took every cabinet, every sink, every toilet, every door and door frame.

It worked out good for me, because it shows really nasty on the show, and then we fix it up amazing. I use a lot of new things in this house that people have never seen in home building before, like ultra-modern, cool, high-tech things that even if you don’t care about Vanilla Ice you’re going to be entertained by.

Like what?

Most people aren’t accustomed to seeing mood lighting. If you’re in a bad mood, the lights will go red, and they’ll go blue if you’re in a good mood.

How does that work?

There’s some kind of sensor, like I guess a mood-ring sensor thing. I really don’t know, I still can’t figure out how it works, but it’s amazing. They’re all done in fiber optics. When they’re off, you can’t tell they’re in the house.

Anyway, can’t wait to catch this one.  I think I am going to learn a lot here.

Oh, and I have to show you this.  Because this.  This.  Is.  Genius.

And of course, I leave you with this.

I don’t know….are you a big Valentines kinda person?  Years of getting my hopes up probably make me all “bah humbug”.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, bring home 50% off chocolate on Febuary 15th and I’m a happy girl. 

Honestly. 

This is for you.

(Yes, YOU reading THIS, that comment was meant for YOU.  CVS.  Rite Aid.  Price Chopper.  They all do that 50% off thing.  And yes, it gets cheaper on the 16th or the 17th but by then, you’re just looking forgetful.)

But, so, do you have these ladies in the office who receive bouquets?  With a teddy bear on a stick shoved right in the middle there?  Delivered from some evil looking flower delivery person who just LOVES walking by Jane and Janet and Josey straight to Ginny and handing off the prize….while Jane and Janet and Josey pretend to be immersed in their excel spreadsheet but have this little twinge….
And the twinge isn’t jealousy really. 
I mean, we all know our own personal situations.  And Billy or Bobby or Bruce just wouldn’t DO that sort of thing.  Waste of money and all that.  Besides, he filled up my tank the other day without even asking and apparently my late Christmas gift is arriving in the mail any moment now.

But then I turn into a teenager moping at her locker and wonder….those bouquet buying couples….are they more in love? 

Do straight from the freezer roses signify a more heated passionate love affair?

Does a call to 1-800-You-Better-Buy-Flowers-You-Idiot-It’s-Mid-February make you better in bed and all that?

Just curious.

I heard that if you plop a penny into the water it makes them stand up straighter.  The flowers, that is.  But, hey Ginny, please  just bring  those wilting dandelions home by Feb. 22 or else they start to smell like my compost.

thanks.

And it’s pretty quiet here today.  Outside our office, it’s snowing (kinda like in that happy jolly winter scene above) – but without the happy jolly shoppers, sledder and plump snowman.

No one’s here in Purchasing (they’re doing inventory at the warehouse):

Downstairs is pretty quiet today too….

Art Director, Mitch Nash, isn’t in yet either…although I KNOW he’s working – already had some emails from him this morning….

No one’s in the can either.

So, in the couple of days before Christmas, I want to wish all of our readers a very nice and quiet and lovely little happy holiday.

I’ll leave you with a little love from one of our amazingly prolific designers, Roy Fox.  He sent this card.  But I’m hijacking it for now.

It’s fine, really.  I try not to make a big deal about it because hey, come on, we all have our issues right?  But if we keep this Reggae station on longer than say, I don’t know….like….an hour or two, and I’m being generous here, then I might just dive-bomb your car with whatever is rotting in the fridge here.  Yes yes, we all get our chance to choose what we want on the radio here – shout out to Mr. Sonos, Sirius, Pandora  – but sometimes there’s only so much Red Red Wine Makes Me Feel So Fine I can handle.  Trust me, on a nice trip to the islands I’m TOTALLY on board with, who is this? Bob Marley?  Or, his son too?  He sings that crap too, right?  But like, if I’m not holding a frozen cocktail in my hand, one that’s been billed to my room overlooking the beach and the man of my dreams is wearing a conk shell tee-shirt stained from suntan oil then TURN THIS CRAP OFF THANK YOU.  I love you all.  I really do.

Everyone's a D.J.